special commitment in life

Im home. Yes, i am. Kluang i mean :)

Sitting in front of the comp, i realised, it's been so long since i sat down quietly at home, to look at this blogger browser, and start my brain engine for a different function.

Had a good chat with a friend today. I am happy to have a heart to heart talk with friends. That's also when i realised, since when i prefer a one-to-one session. I used to be very bubbly in my crowd, although i know i am still do, but, the intensity has reduced. So, we talked about many things today. Direction of life was the main dish of today's topic.

Having a long lasting friendship with someone is never a smooth sailing journey. It needs so much of effort and energy to pay the "maintenance" fee. *well, it's just a metaphor. I mentioned about to have someone to fall back to whenever i have trouble. I realise, each time, when life is challenging, I know i have my support back at home. I know who can i fall back to, i know where to get help, i know who to shout to for tension release purpose :) Each time, i feel blessed because i have friends around. I can't say family is negligible, but due to distance, friends are those i can fall back to.

For me, it is a commitment that i have in life. To me, friendship is a commitment. It's something that we have and we need to make an effort for it. It's a very special relationship. Some people might think it's not as imp as how i look at it but for me, there's just like a backbond in the body. However, I've been neglecting ppl in life due to this hectic schedule. I missed the moments tat my friends needed the most. I wasn't updated about my important friends. I am making a change. I am thinking for a resolution. I am learning to adjust. Give me some times. I am around still, until anyone decides to ask me to go. :)

Thanks for those who always being a support to me. Shan Na is thankful for all of these.

Feeling

Sometimes, we just can't seem to hold our emotion. We can't touch it. We can only feel it. That's why people always mumble the sentence "You just can't understand how i feel." (which is 100% true!)

A people-oriented person always care about the feeling of others. We are worried that we might hurt other people's feeling. I agree with what a friend said today, "I'm afraid of opening the wound and not be able to close it properly." His sentence somehow strikes me a lil, for me being a lil bit insensitive in a sense that i feel it's ok to talk about the problem because we're not intentionally hurt the other party but we hope to talk about this and find a better solution. We are trying to deal with the challenge by not being too personal. Then i begin to realise and do some self-talk. "Since when i am so cold blooded?" haha! =X Did SDCU give me sucha "training" before? =X Oh well, i guess sometimes i also hope to focus on the task.

Open communication at times do hurt others' feeling. It's never easy for 2 person to initiate an honest heart to heart talk. How many of you actually have these friends who do this with you once a while? I believe it takes time to understand a person. Be it at work, at personal level, we indeed need a sincere talk. Whatever it is, it can be an affection, can be an affirmation, or it can even be the disagreement. All of these can improve one's relationship. The one who listens is always the best because the one who initiates the talk needs so much of courage and needs to filter the words in case it hurts. Of course, the listener should always keep an open mind to receive the data sent! :)

As i am growing, i begin to realise the importance of handling crisis in myself. I begin to take up responsibilities, to initate a talk with people that i pay much attention to, to handle people with care and to take in opinions with an open heart. I'm still learning. Way to go =) The most important thing is we must care about others' feeling.

missing them....

wonder why...

i am missing my COOP youth back in Kluang. Miss their laughters, jokes, sensible smile and friendly talk~ =) Miss those days when i could have a real real good big and long laugh on something stupid and tiny. Hehe~ Missing those days we handle events throughout two months. ^^" Miss my supervisor evil laughs... miss my colleagues... miss everybody who accompanied me. Haha!

Overall, i think i miss KLUANG. I miss that little community which excludes by pollution, noise and complication. =) I miss the innocence of that little town of mine. LOVE KLUANG! Uphold Eden's spirit~ ^^ yeah!

i'm bored.

Good morning ppl~ It's 12.15am now~ it's another good morning! =.=" okie... boredom strikes, please forgive me. Thank you! -.-"

Anyway, i think i sleep a lot yesterday until my whole brain wasn't functioning. Hmm... i dreamed of many many ppl~ -_-" I wonder why i keep dreaming. I need an efficient good sleep man. God, please help me. =) Sounds like begger... haha! Seriously, i dreamed of a lot a lot of friends. All my close friends. Even my roommate. -_-"

Frankly speaking, i miss my housemates very much. After a year living together, after all the ups and downs, they are still the one i miss the most whenever i'm at home all alone. Miss all the midnight fun we have. Miss all the milo/coffee sessions. Miss all the talks. *as if i'm not going back, haha!* But seriously, i'm missing u guys very much! *hugs* I know none of them will read this. Haha!=) Miss all my coursematez of course. =)

Since i am so free now, i think it's time for me to have some quiet time for myself. I think i need it very much. Let me think and reflect. Sort out some feelings of mine. Hmmm... good night ppl~ i love all of u out there and i bet u know who u are! ^^ *wink* i'll be back soon! weeeeee!

over = euphoria?

over~~~~it's over! finals had finished! yeah... thought i will be overjoyed... but.. haha! i don't. ^^ i also wonder why... today's feeling is kinda weird... maybe i was so tired out... worn out ady... as i passed up my last intro to psych(1) paper... i was like... phewwww... a sense of relieved... thank god... i'm DONE!! BYE!!

going back home tmr... anddddddd.... hehhe~ my sis jz sms me telling me that dad had bought a big big watermelon... i can't wait to eat watermelon again! Recently, my dad always buy watermelon when i balik kampung. I wonder it's mainly due to the hot weather or he's welcoming me back home and purposely bought me a watermelon... hehhe! i guess the second reason is more than valid. My dad jz LOVE me much. I love u too, dad! ^^

hmmm... got back home around 6pm today... nv had an exam at such a late period... kinda tired man... then... out of the blue, our steamboat plan was still carried on... i was like 0.O what? ehhe! too bad that porky couldn't make it tonight... it will be more fun with ur presence, porky...! nvm... next semester we shall organise a big feast of steamboat again! ahhaha! then... u can belanja me ady! No worries! ^^

erm... what should i write? my mind is kinda blank now... 1.49am... cool... will i make it for breakfast tmr morning at 8.30am with mei, kwang and ziyu???? =.= haha! jz wait and see ya! nitezzz ppl...

courage

flipping through some webpages of my friends'.... kinda envy what they're having now... knowing that they're leading a wonderful life... really happy for them...

sometimes... i begin to question myself ...where's my courage all these while?? i bet.. i've missed a lot of things if i were to ...blablabla~~~

i've lost the courage i used to have... i've lost my confidence... i cross and stand in between the lines... i don't even hv an idea where should i move... me control life or life controls me?? =.= *penny of thoughts* sometimes, it jz serve me right... padan muka for myself... if u ask me whether am i leading a good life here... i would say YES... however... there's still a question mark for myself, "am i??"

You know what?? i jz need to have more support in making any decision. I need some encouragement from anyone out there... i need someone by my side... but i feel tat... i'm somehow alone standing at the peak of the iceberg... i need to endure the risky trials... in order to get hurt, i back out... therefore... here i am...mourning about my life... hahha! -.- okie... i AM thinking too much... forgive me.. it's 1.37am now...nitez ppl... think NOT about my bloggy...

COURAGE IS NOT THE ABSENCE OF FEAR

BUT RATHER THE JUDGEMENT

THAT SOMETHING ELSE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN FEAR

stress-OUT!!

been reading some of my friends' blogs... everything bout stress and exam... hey~ worries not! let's just try our best and achieve whatever it is... as long as u're well prepared, then jz leave it to god... ^^...

hope exam won't affect anyone's health and happiness... hehehe! =)
be optimistic! ^^
good luck in the exam ya!!
four more days! i'll be FREEEEEEE!!! ^^

STRESS!! ----->OUT!!!