a cup of thoughts on Chinese New Year

Chinese New Year- a season where reunion of family and friends that meant more than anything to the Chinese community in Malaysia. More so for the families where all the generation gather. Every member marks down their attendance and get ready to feast in anyway we can :)


This year CNY, as usual, we ate, gathered, chat and laughed. As i grow older, i can feel that families really mean a lot. It doesn't matter about what great dish we're eating, but it's the people that make the dishes and the round table extraordinary. The elderly will always ask the young ones to eat more while the young ones will ask the elderly to eat together, don't just stand there and watch us eat :) How wonderful the scene is, isn't it?

As an easterners, especially Chinese, we do not know how to express emotion/feeling openly. We close ourselves up. Sometimes, we can only show actions. That's how it is. Chinese use a lot of reverse psychology too. When they said this is not good enough, they actually just want us to be better. Well, maybe we are in such culture that we are never good. Haha! Hmmm, this shall leave to my generation to give it a lil change.


Every family has story to tell. We play our own manuscript. What i want to say is that only family can provide unconditional love. There's nothing called trading of love. I believe i am blessed. Relatively, i am blessed with a good family. Parents love us unconditionally. They provide anything they can. I hope one day, i'll be able to contribute in anyway i can too because i believe it's time to do something about it.


There are few lessons learned in 2012 CNY. It was an emotional rush for me too. As i looked back my family and those folks at old folks home, i believe my family members are highly blessed because we never knew that one mandarin orange and a RM2 angpao could mean so much to others. This year round, i learned to be contented in life even more. I learned to love others. I learned that friends can mean so much too because they're my loyal supporters in anywhere they are. I learned that my friends' families also mean a lot because the families too, know us well. The bond and tie can always be strengthen with mutual effort.


As this season draws closer to an end, no matter what it is, family is still a family. Friends are still a good bunch. God gives us a family to love and be loved. God gives us people to love. We gotta cherish it and accept it. As i read a book today, i've also learned that forgiveness is such a beautiful virtue. When we forgive others, we too, forgive ourselves. Give some leeway to people to breathe. All in all, we only can live once. Do not live in the dark because we can alwaysl tilt our heads to see the sun :)

Happy Chinese New Year, folks! :)

season is here

A friend of mine used to share the idea of "seasonal friend". I believe some of you might have heard about this term. I was quite against the philosophy behind it but now i realised actually it's quite natural. It's just like how a season starts to change, so does a relationship in life.

I used to tell my friend that it takes two hands to clap because that's how the world is. Everyone is relational to each other. As i was chatting with my other friend a while ago, she said let's take it easy and we shall strike a balance in relationship. If this doesn't work, it just does not work. Hmmm, very well said. Being a stubborn me, i am perseverance. I persevere on things that i hold strongly.

Then flash thoughts came to my mind recently that i really do not mind about this anymore. In fact, i was worried why i don't. Then i realised, i think i am tired of this. I don't like to have seasonal friendships. I want to be sincere. I want to be proactive. At the same time, i guess part of me wanted to be loved as well. The more you give, the more you feel tired because you do not even know how to make an expectation anymore. It serves like a bonus when there is and we have to move on if there's no bonus to gain.

Let the nature take the course :) I had surrender this onto Him and i believe one day, He will answer.

recency effect...

Dear Father Lord,

I pray for a betterment- for my attitude, for my emotion and for my own management. I pray for inner peace and strength. I need a lot of strength through difficult moments and most importantly, i pray for wisdom and patience in completing the responsibilities ahead, be it as a staff or a student.

********************************************

Honestly speaking, sometimes i do face the difficulties to laugh my heart out because i am so occupied with stuffs and challenges. Funny how i know all of these will mould me to another level yet it seems like i failed to do so.

Lots of thoughts in my mind lately. Maybe i shall decipher them today one by one.

1. Respect- I find this virtue is such a significant essence for life. It doesn't matter whether you're younger or older than anyone, respect stays in a mutual relationship- love, family, friends and work. It remains as it is, just like God remains the greatest. For me, respect can be earned but respect can never reproduced by authority and status. Came across all sort of people in life, little did i know that i can face a person who plays external locus of control to that high that it can shoot up to heaven. Where is humility? Where is the care? Where is the considerate heart? I don't know. Big question for me to handle is "How will/can i respect this person?" There's no methodology to begin a respect but i've been questioning myself on HOW and doubting my attitude whether am i being a horrible person for thinking such way. But i guess, it's not up to me to do anything. As long as i am consciously clear, i am done! Well, it's just my thought.

2. Complaints- This topic was discussed over a ride with boss the other day. She questioned how can a person be blessed if he/she is filled with complaints? Hmmm, i find this quite true. I felt that we can always count the blessings rather than complaints. As a counsellor-to-be, i also have to consciously remind myself to cut down the complaints if possible. I need strength to work this out.

3. Emotion- i think i am in need to realign my emotion. Due to my personality, it flunctuates quite a lot. I don't wanna affect others. I wanna work within myself. That's why i feel, i need a lot of inner peace and learn to smile more.

4. Help- being in a helping profession, i guess the most important thing is to help out each other if possible (especially people within this beautiful field). I am so thankful to meet some very very helpful mentors who always share with us everything they can. I wish one day i'll be able to share my knowledge and experience to the juniors. It's a niche group- we ought to help each other.

friends

Sometimes, we don't really need a lot of friends. Quantity is not the matter anymore. What matters the most is the heart of a friend who stays no matter where we are, how well we've been or how good we are doing now.

Friend needs affirmation, not judgment, not criticism. Humility also plays a role because being humble and listen to friend is such a beautiful essence one could have. Instead, sometimes i do encounter people who raise up their so-called status and see highly on themselves. Or even, looking down on people around them, dispute on things that's ought or not ought to be.

For real... for real... deep down inside i wonder... what is the meaning of friendship to you and me? Sometimes, some incidents will allow you to see more and figure more. God, I pray for enlightment.

dream...

Everybody has dream(s). Recently, i've been thinking about my dream, my plan for the future. Masters semester resume and the adrenaline rush had swung by again. It's time to readjust myself back to the eventful week with studies and work, and maybe some entertainment (i really mean, SOME) because i can't spend 24 hours per day without sleeping.

I love my yet-to-be profession, especially when i hear it from Dr. Tun (my lecturer who teaches individual counselling). Her inspiring words made me want to learn more and always be humble in learning. She always mention, "This is a skill class, if you missed it, you will miss it." Classes are like the life and death thingy, you might not know one day you'll need those skills that learned from class for those whose lives are at stake in your hand.

With her, I find this profession is so beautiful. Well, helping profession is always beautiful. In order to reach out to more people, I can't just stick at where i am now. Thus, at this moment, apart from learning and working, i hope i get to do extra learning by attending more training outside. Most importantly, i hope i have strong discipline for me to finish it strong.

I wish everyone has a dream to move and don't just stay here to wait, but to do something about it. Sometimes, all we need is to care about it. Most importantly, it is YOUR dream to fulfil, not OTHERS'.

2 Samuel 12

Last Sunday service was refreshing. It talked about how David failed as a king and how he repented to God. I find this verse interesting. 2 Samuel 12: 4

"Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him."

I find this verse is so applicable in this modern era. The selfishness of man that always refrain one's to do something good. I had a relative who asked my parents to "try" to use the broken machine. The relative knew it's gonna break down soon and yet he still insisted them to try. In the end, the machine spoiled and they asked my parents to throw it on their own. This incident is vividly showing the selfishness of the men. Sometimes, out of the good will of people, we wanna help, but how does the world consist of people like this? It's like making use of your relative that has blood relation? o_O" this kinda extended family, i'll choose not to be bothered.

Pastor Daniel shared an analogy with us on Sunday- "The experiences of the chair". That chair resembles a few things in life: 1. The way we brought up; 2. The work life we have; 3. The church.

When we were young, we sat on the "chair" that's placed by family. Some family used to compare with us and somebody, some don't. Some always fight, some were peaceful and harmonious. What kind of family are you coming from? :) Family culture is very pivotal. It affects us in long term basis.

The 2nd "chair" would be the career. If u're coming from the type of family that always compare you with others; when you're a leader in the organization, u'll tend to give less compliment to your subordinates but more criticism and comparisons.

The 3rd "chair" would be in church. You might think that this is not good, that's not perfect, so, you hop and hop to many many churches. In fact, church has only one purpose- to worship and serve the only God with your heart.

I find these few stories have such a good linkage in life. The first chair is so important. We can determine the next generation with God's help. Thus, we ought to choose the values and cultures that are healthy and positive to create a better world.

Dr. Biles & Ms. Eileen =)

It was an inspiring night for all of us. The presence of Dr. Biles & Ms. Eileen was really superb! The analogy given by the both of them in terms of counselling was down to earth. To me, both of them are the angels from God sent. They came to Msia to share their knowledge with Malaysians. It's my first time meeting Ms. Eileen, she's an Italian, living in U.S. A crisis intervension expert, a music therapist, a good friend of Dr. Biles, a great counsellor and i love her learning attitude.

We met Dr. Biles for quite a few times, she's a respectful mentor of ours. :) Her spirit in spreading the seeds of love and knowledge really motivates me to elevate my mission in life. The selfless characteristic makes me feel that the world is indeed beautiful with people like her :) She is forever pleasant to me. Her hug really warmed me, just like a mummy to us. She has 9 children, mind u, only 2 are biological, the rest are adopted. I've got a shock when i heard that. We shall always share good things with others =) Never ever fail the essence of sharing :)

As a counsellor, far more often we concern a lot on the approach stated in the text. In our education, we're taught to have a counselling approach. That night was an eye-opener for me. Both the experts said approach is always the next thing as a counsellor. Being a counsellor, your hand is like a rope. When a person is in danger, you throw the rope to the person and grab that person out. Just like your best friend, what he/she needs is very simple. Our best friend simply needs our ears and heart. Isn't it simple and precise? Same goes to the r'ship with client and counsellor. Client wants a listening ears and a truthful heart.

Supposed to be a formal discussion on the upcoming National Counselling Conference and research discussion, we ended up listening and sharing of experiences :)

so, we went for a good dinner that night with the both of them :)

a group pic with all of us at wee hour :) almost 12am @_@" and we gotta work the next day too O_O so happening right...

Self-discovery & Enrichment Workshop

Everyone deserves a chance to speak and express. I believe this workshop has reached the climax of the year. Exploration of life journey can be interesting yet distressing at the same time. It's really depending on an individual willingness to open the heart and share with others. We're glad that these bunch of peeps are really dare to share.

Past, present and future, which one do you prefer? For me, i love all of 'em. Yes, i believe we shall move on in life, but it's not meant for u to waste your past. We ought to pick up some good lessons from the past, well, we all always learn a hard lesson then only will realise it was actually a good lesson. That's.. us. Of course, we shall grab our present because we may not know when an opportunity may just slip away! :) Oh yes, we shall also look forward to the future! :)

Like i just mentioned, sharing of life journey is never an easy task for some of us. Being a facilitator in this counselling related workshop, i felt awesome. It's great to be a company to the students, to just listen and be empathetic. To me, i still feel that i've gained so much of blessings from people around me. I love my life and i appreciate the journey that i've gone through :)

thank you, guys :) You all made this workshop worthwhile :)

Tree of Life: a very good tool for exploration purpose

a very thoughtful gift to the participants: self-drawn stones :) with some motivational purpose behind :)

the booklet

my group members :) thank you for opening your heart to us =)
i learned a lot through the workshop even though i'm a staff :) I guess the impact could be bigger if we conduct the session in the camp! =)

why give?

The other day, we were having some counselling related training. It was such a great session that each of us got the chance to do some self-discovery :)

During my turn, i mentioned to spread the seed of love to my surrounding because i've been given enuff to people around me. I wish i can give as well. Question arise. "Since you've received abundantly, what makes you to give?"

At that split sec, only 1 sentence came to mind. "Simply because there are people around me who're lacking still."

I must thank God for His grace and mercy. I always receive tonnes of loves from people around me. Everytime when i see people who's lacking, I always think I've had enough. It's time to give your love out for people to share. One thing i must learn and reiterate will be my thought of repayment. Sometimes, love is not meant to be repay. In this context of love, it's a vast operational definition. It can mean a lot of things to me. Thank you God for giving me a lil heart, that always auto-count the blessings that i've received. One day, i must give out to the community no matter what.

Today, i saw a pair of old couple, walking at a side of the main road, very very slowly. I was driving and i thought how come an old man was holding the hand of the kid (but can't see the head). I was shocked to see, actually, the hand that he was holding was actually a hand of an old lady who had a hunchback that close to 45 degree. My heart was drenched at that moment. That grandma's head was tilted in front with her back faced flat towards the sky. I felt so sad for her and for her loving man. I pray that they're ok. I pray that God gives them a longer life, for them to spend time with each other.this tree will matter a lot one day :)

Later in the evening, some men came over to my house to mow the lawn. There were 3 men- a local and 2 international guys- labours. The worker was about to start the mowing machine, that boss smacked him coz he did wrongly. I was thinking to myself, we're all adult, why do we have to hit or scold? Is it very difficult to just teach? It's just the steps and instructions that matter. Physically smack a person was so childish. The more i witnessed this, the more i felt how important it is to educate our generation the value of courtesy. Be courteous to people. Keep a positive attitude to treat people.

Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7)

everyone has a story to tell

I believe everyone of us will definately have our story to tell. Every day makes an episode. It can be a happy ending, it can be a unsatisfactory ending. Nevertheless, we shall never give up in life because i believe everyone of us will be able to create a beautiful ending. Pray to God for a new beginning when we fall; praise God when we lead an ideal and positive life.

At times, one's family background can really influence the way we act and react, the way we perceive thing, we receive and give things. However, i believe it's through understanding that we then receive acceptance on one another. Remember, understanding is much much more important than tolerating. :)

Just wanna share a song to all of you, it's indeed a very motivational song:

I've been working hard so long
Seems like pain has been my only friend
My fragile heart's been done so wrong
I wonder if i'd ever healed again

Oooh just like all the seasons
Never stay the same
All around me i can feel the change

Chorus:
I will break the chain to find me
Happiness will find me
Leave the past behind me, today my life begins
A whole new world is waiting, it's mine for the taking
I know i can make it, today my life begins

Yesterday has come and gone
And i've learnt how to leave it where it is
And i see that i was wrong
For ever doubting i could win

Oooh just like all the season
Never stayed the same
All around me i can feel the change

x Chorus

Life's too short to have regrets
So i'm learning now to leave it in the past, and try to forget
We only have one life to live
So you better make the best of it

x Chorus





No matter what, i will always love my family because they bring me to this world :)

understanding

Understanding people, to some, seems like the most difficult thing ever. It's like worse than having constipation. *wink* When i started working, this part of me seems to be activated, as in, it never came to my mind that this element has turned out to be a conscious "source" in me.

Understanding people is a virtue to me. It takes a long period of time. Often, we always have that pair of judgmental eyes. Seeing a person without a smile on the face, we said he/she is snobbish and unfriendly. As time goes by, then we'll realise "eh, not bad actually. This fella is quite funny and caring." Through experience, be it good or bad, we earn/lose that person.

Sometimes, before having a thorough understanding, it's advisable that we just keep our mouth shut before our words start to label people. I have to admit, im quite sucks at that :) because i have a big mouth :D I need to listen to people than talking. So, please, if next time i really talk a lot, please say "Ng Shan Na, shut up." :) Consciouly, gotta tell myself that. Being critical to people isn't a good thing to be brag about. Amen? :)

Great day, peeps :)

Counselling

Theories are always the solely thing we learn back in our education system, especially during primary-secondary schools. As we reached University level, apart from theories, praticality of each theory is emphasized. As of now, studying Masters is another level. Apart from learning theories in a deeper manner, we practise skills too.

Tried counselling for once and i felt i am still in the amateur stage. Im glad that there're people around me to give me lots of guidance. It's always a blink of enlightment when there's some advices given from left to right, top to bottom. Really appreciate it :)

Counselling is a very special field. It requires more than just giving a change of life but it has gotta do with our own attitude in counselling. As a counsellor, the first important feature is to be patient. It takes more than a second to let a person to realise a thing in life. If client is stubborn, will you give up just like that? @_@ But here's another thing about counselling, things don't come on your way all the time because counselling is not about ME, but it's all about the choice of the clients. What's more, counselling requires a lot of love about people. If we don't have thought for people, i guess we might want to think about venturing to other field.

This is something that hit me hard the other day "Shan Na, counselling is not about yourself, it's all about the client." I'm glad that i finally tried something new for this year. Part of the resolution achieved? :)While doing counselling, i believe for me, doing development programme is my energizer. I am a kinaesthetic person. I love to move around. I like to interact with students, and most importantly, i like to develop students. I'll feel extremely happy to see students grow from level to level :) In education field, it's not just about academic but it's about students' well-being. I would want them to develop with moral value, with great character, with positive attitudes! That's how powerful is for us to start a "change" in generation.

我的

哪怕就只是影响一个人
就那么一个人
我都是知足的
因为我知道有一天
我会慢慢引导更多需要帮助的人 :)

生命是有影响力的
因为在你的生命里
不只是自己
可是还有身边的人与事

相信美丽的开始，总会有美好的结束
我爱我为人的力量
加油！

Religion

Thank you to all my sisters and the message :)

Religion, to me, it had been an empty shell.

I couldn't recall when. When was the time that i felt, i was empty of soul. I was not empty because i don't have love but i was empty because i do not own a religion.

I've been striving hard for things around me, but not a relationship with any God. I am afraid of commitment first thing, then i am afraid i can't be a good follower. I wasn't taught over a religion apart from bits and bits from education background. Friend was right, i have been an observer.

The words written by Nicky Gumbel were right.

"You and I were created to live in a relationship with God". Until we find that relationship there will always be something missing in our lives, thus we often aware of a gap.

This sentense quoted strikes me. Sometimes, He seems so near and yet so far. Then i realised, it is not about Him, it is me.

I am glad. At least right now, I know where should i head to. At least, i've taken a leap of faith :)

Don't you think so?

Dear Father, enlighten me with your words, guide the new-me to understand your every message behind and i pray to walk through this journey with Your presence.

i'll be there...

When you're in need, I'll be there for you.
Such a typical sentence right? Especially things happen within the circle of friends, we'll always say "I'll be there for you." Seriously, it's not easy. Easier said than done.

"Yes, i'll put my things aside, and be there for you..."

i am touched because i felt it. I am very thankful for what i've received.

speaker

Never ever i thot of, i'll be able to give workshop or talk or to lead any motivational form of event in my life. Never had i thot of, being a speaker, to educate and create awareness can be that fulfilling. Honestly, if you were to ask me, how's the process like, i can tell u, it's kinda draining the energy to read and do some research on it, but the end result, beautiful.

Started this journey of Development Programme in my first job was great. I just feel that i'm on my way to fulfill my mission in every single task that i do. It's great to be able to talk with students, be it high school's or uni's. The attention that the audiences had for me is just priceless sometimes. It's more than anything :) Apart from feeling fatique, the happiest thing for me is i've touched that amount of audience with my "chants" in the workshop.

Being a speaker, I always have the thought of myself "Meeting students in a workshop is like a touch & go system. It's important to catch their attention within that 1.5 or 2 hours of opportunity. It's never easy, but it's forever fulfilling because we never know at times, we do make an impact on one's life."

I like to talk to the youth. I like the response. I like the way they think and present. I like their dreams. I like the way they talk to me. I like the way they ask me for an opinion. All of these recharge me. No matter how tired i am, at the end of the day, I just felt everything is worthwhile. Youth is a very special target group which i hope to venture in. I hope i'll remain youthful too! :D Ok, that's not my point. Hmmm... i feel youth is a very crucial batch to build up a healthy nation. We might lack of this in the past, but it's time to build it for the future generation to upgrade themselve holistically :)

Past few weeks had been crazy and horredous for me. Juggling between work and studies, it's not easy but never tried never know. Been through a massive emotional rushed journey. Received a special report from a parent regarding the workshop that i went thru with the kids. Well, i just gotta say that parents are being over protective. In the end, the counsellor will always be the scapegoat. *claps* it's alright, I learned from mistake, lesson learned :) Thanks to the team for your support always, without you, I am nowhere from here.

I am walking towards my dream :)

and i am happy and positive about it.

Brain Juicing!

So much of thought which you don't really have time to pendown by yourself. Screen has turned out to be something official, hardly as personal as it used to be. I wish there'll be time for me to sit down and reflect on the things that i've done so far. So many things are not updated here in Scripts of My Life. *saddy* Sorry for the neglection.

I'll be back. I promise.

Just you wait! :)

Late Post: Birthday Extension with Daddy!

Having myself back home, celebrating birthday with dad was a great occasion for me and my family. We had the same birthday, how rare can that be? A little family with strong bond is always my future ideal family. I hope i'll be able to celebrate this day with my dad always. Hope he's healthy always, cute like kiddo! :) Hope my mum always be happy, able to live a relaxed life. Hope my sister will be excel in studies, able to live a life which she's worth living for :) Love my family- a support which will never break, a love which is forever unconditional. =)

4 of us :)

简单永远都会是最美丽的

Happy me, happy you :)

love you, dad :)

a photo frame with our words for dad this year round

i guess this present is priceless than anything else

a surprise back at home which i've yet opened since early of the January.

Thanks Huiru for the cards and the spaghetti sauce.

The thoughfulness in you is always unbeatable! :)

Thanks for the words and your encouragement that filled all the spaces in the card

Miss you (real lots)

I always tell myself, no matter how bad life decides to turn you to be, always remember to count the blessings that you've received. It is the greatest gift for us to remember and it leads to a life which is beautifully coloured by ourselves. Have faith, remember. I will remember this more and more as years pass by :) Hope you do the same too :)

outcome

p/s: this is going to be just a random post.

i used to think to myself, sometimes, is it very important to always focus on the outcome of something? Like, we do this in order to get this; we proceed with this because we think this is going to a fruitful result. Do we really need to be that rationale all time? Do we? Really we do? for instance, we can't see a solid outcome derived from certain project because we are simply nobody to feel how other people feel, especially when the outcome can't be tabulated statistically. Sometimes, i really wish to convince to people that outcome CAN BE subjective. It also can be qualitative. =)

was talking to a friend the other day. Being rational is good but over rational will affect the result of something. I kind of agree with the statement said. Well, i said that. Haha! Sometimes, we're just too logic because our teaching and cultures had conditioned us to be as such. The power of rationality can be so magical. Best case is you get something very positive and worst case is you lose a lot of things in life. It takes so much of time to arrange your thoughts. In the process of arranging your thoughts to fit into the criteria or to fit into the community/society, we have already lost a lot of touch. A very obvious example would be relationship with human.

I just want to say, we're just way too structured.

sometimes, i feel human is very blessed by God. we get the chance to choose and make decision on our own. It can be something beneficial for us. Well, most of the times human are quite selfish and due to this, we only think about ourselves and neglecting others. (this is a highly discouraging action from me to you, i don't like this) We get to interact with people. We get to see/eat/smell/play/read good things. I always think, whoever is it in life, we just gotta cherish them. We ought to treat people nicely because we all, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US is relational to each other. Believe it or not, like it or not it is the universal truth. We ought to speak in a respectful tone, be it you're younger or older. 

Therefore, i'm here to highly encourage you guys. Treat everyone as an important person. Respect each other. Give ways for people to breathe. Create a better understanding within each other. The world will be very beautiful. It's not easy, but it's time to give it a try if you've yet started any of these. 

Journey to the Knowns

This is going to be a tough stretching journey. A journey that i've chosen, and i guess it's a road less travelled.

Work + Study = ________

I know i am going to enjoy it! To be back to those bumble bee time! :) Slimming process will be on the green light! :) *i hope*. 2011 will be a crucial year for me, for my studies and for my career. Let's pray for a good beginning, a smooth journey, and a great ending :) I am going to enjoy this process to the fullest! :) Let me grow in a new phase and different perspective! :)